I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
