Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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