i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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