Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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