First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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