if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
