I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
