I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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