i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
