Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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