I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
