I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize