and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
a search helicopter?!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
