I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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