He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
