you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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