M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
