I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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