Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
