If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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