Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
