I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
