I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
