You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
