why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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