Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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