Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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