We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
