if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
