I can tuck mytits in my pants
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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