I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
