dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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