I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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