whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
