If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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