I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
