just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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