do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize