Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
