But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
