I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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