The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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