Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
