Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
