she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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