Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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