Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
