so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
