Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
