I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
