i was born a porn star she said
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
