He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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