Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
