I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
