This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
