Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
