I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
