he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
