I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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