i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am puke
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my poor anus
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
