mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
