I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
