my phone needs a breathalizer
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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