K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
