Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Farmville is her only friend.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
