I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize