Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
