what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
