he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
