I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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